Musical Tadpoles

From the towering stacks of books in my room, I managed to recover a small diary which i used to write Chinese poems during my secondary days. It felt like meeting a long lost friend after all these years and it was especially comforting since this is a stressful period for me.

Reading through some of them brought tears of laughter to my eyes. Some were top-notch silly and unintentionally funny, others brought back heartaches and buried memories. I could really print a mini-magazine out of it seeing how well i had organized them into columns - these poems were accompanied with a palm-sized pencil sketch of a scenic impression and completed with a description of the story behind them.

I especially liked this one. It's special because this was a collaboration between me and an admirable friend and it really captured our thoughts on relationship during that time.

明 月 疏 起 霜 雪 地 ，

沉 夜 默 化 楚 清 言 。

末 人 能 解 千 古 愁 ，

情 本 无 非 人 自 受 。

The pages in the book have mellowed as those pencil sketches grew faint with time, but the memories engraved in those words remained as fresh as when i first penned it. =)

有你, 在这短斩的日子里，
带我走进美丽梦境。
只有你， 认我梦里笑的甜蜜。

缘分, 拉近天涯海角距离，
让我听见天堂呼吸。
因为你， 认幸福变得更据体。

可是天涯海角的定义，
早已注定我们要分离。
我选择不相信流言蜚语，
但你选择离去~

我们匆匆的放手，
因为捉不住你的温柔。
是否付出真心仍然不够，
认你离开时不给理由。

我 们匆匆的放手，
没有留下一句问候。
曾经拥有彩虹拥有天空，
但这一切， 已不再属于我。

曾在枫叶星空， 黑夜蒙蒙，
你留下了我最深的感动。
为何承诺破碎叶散风中，
只留下了伤痛。

我 们匆匆的放手，
因为捉不住你的温柔。
是否付出真心仍然不够，
认你离开时不给理由。

我 们匆匆的放手，
 没有留下一句问候。
曾经拥有彩虹拥有天空，
但这一切， 已不再属于我。

Life only begin when the clock strikes twelve. It is the time of day when my inspiration is at its peak and all my senses would finally come to life. I have a fetish for playing piano when it's late into the night, but worry not coz nobody has ever complained. I guess either the serene music never woke anyone up before, or no one ever has heard them. But really, I wished i had an audience.

Either way, i'm pretty proud of myself to have composed another few strips of music from the past few days but i haven't put them up for QA test yet. It's a taboo when new pieces bear a strong resemblance to an existing song. Haha.. i have two friends who self-acclaimed to be versed in a wide spectrum of songs, old or new, so i would usually ask for their opinion when i complete a new piece. Sometimes i wonder if i'm bothering them too much coz i really don't want to be a nuisance. How i wish i could find someone who shares the passion for writing songs and wouldn't mind spending time on exchanging pointers.

Sadly, my old friend (my synthesizer) who has been with my for a decade is finally giving way. Two of its keys are dead and i'm having lots of difficulty writing new songs now because I'm forced to play in the unfamiliar F major. Also, my original plan to invest in a digital piano has been shattered by a sudden halt to our relocation plan (to CCK)  I am so missing my big room... :(
Here and now, i'm stuck in the dilemma whether to settle for another synthesizer or dispose part of my jumbo furniture set to make room for a digital piano (it's a mini-grand size).

If fate is trying to put my passion down, then i really need to talk to him. I need to tell him, "Fat Chance!!"
=D

My trust in people is fragile. This trusting heart is bruised and still remembers the pain of his blind faith. I have close friends, a few of them and i trust them. Every now and then, i still meet new people, make new friends and... i still give them my trust. Haha.. there's a saying, "a leopard never changes its spots" It's never failed to crack me up laughing at myself.

Some of my friends praised me for having such courage to place faith in people, some called me an idiot. In my reply to them, i always tell them I am no saint for i have fears too, lots of them. The fears from self-doubt, fears of pain and disappointment and all sorts of fears that come in different shapes and sizes!
But I told them, it would be truly sad when i finally give up trusting people, the one day when this heart grows numb.

I remembered a story that I read a long time ago. It's a simple love story about a boy who gave his all to this girl whom he really liked, but she couldn't appreciate it. Not that she didn't, but she couldn't. The mysterious death of the girl's parents at a young age tore the fabric of her innocent mind and stole from her everything she knew as happiness. All she was left with was a chain of malicious deceits and childhood violence under a precarious guardianship. Devastated, she closed her heart to others and started doubting every kind intention directed at her. There was one sickly boy who was particularly kind to her. He was always there to shield her with his frail body whenever she got rounded up by big bullies. He would show up again - with bruises all over, when the bullies confront her the next time. Despite his sacrifices, the girl didn't accept him, for her heart was an abyss - devoid of joy and sadness. But the boy never gave up.

Years later, they both grew up. The boy became a reporter and was adamant in unraveling the mystery behind the death of the girl's parents. However, his relentless pursue for the truth was shrouded by an insidious conspiracy involving powerful political figures in the backdrop. In his dangerous attempt, the boy lost his life. When the girl read the note that the boy left her, she wept her first drop of tear in many years. In his note he wrote, "Everyday, it's been the happiest moments in my life waiting by your doorstep, hoping for the day you would let me into your heart. The only regret i have... is i couldn't be there tomorrow, anymore..."

That moment, she recalled all things he did for her and the sacrifices he made all these years. Breaking into violent sobbing, she repeatedly cried,"thank you.."
The boy had taught her how to feel again.

When you waste time doubting a person, you really don't know what you losing until you finally lost it. What could you possibly gain from doubts?

It was partly due to a certain someone i met that triggered such a sudden gush of emotions. It reminded me of this story. It is so unfair to start doubting people just because of your previous bad experiences. He was never part of it.

Everyone deserves a chance, both when to be trusted and doubted. My trust is as what merchants would put into their stores, "Once broken, considered sold"
It's difficult to regain my trust once a person loses it, nevertheless I share my initial trust in people generously.

For every new beginning, i still want it to begin with "I believe..."